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Excuse me I think I'm going to scream - Sex and Sums and a Controlled Dose of Rock and Roll [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Richard Clegg

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Excuse me I think I'm going to scream [Aug. 24th, 2010|07:19 pm]
Richard Clegg
I really think I'm about to scream.

Yesterday morning, in a weary slump, I leaned slightly forward while taking my underwear out of the wardrobe. This wouldn't be a problem but my underwear is in one of those weird dangling fabric things you put inside wardrobes. I'm not sure what you call those things. The hanging undercrackers of Islington. Anyway, the point is by leaning forward I tore off the final part of the fabric and velcro attachment that makes the hanging dangling thing hang and dangle... instead it turned into a drooping flopping thing. A disappointing start to the week.

Undeterred I decided immediately to buy one and (in consultation with Dr T over an acceptable lunch at the Squat and Gobble) that Argos was probably my ideal place to buy one (his ideal place to buy one is probably Lombok if you can get them made in recovered Chinese walnut). So I argosed it up and with surprisingly little queuing (or human interaction) made my purchase and went home.

Immediately there was slight trouble. I opened the box and there were no instructions in it. Not a problem. A resourceful chap like me can soon put it together -- and so I did. It went together with no problems and I put it in my wardrobe and placed my underwear and t-shirts in it and went to sit down. At this point I found the instructions.

Now, you sceptics might be thinking that I'd put it together wrong. You are wrong. Without instructions I had 100% put it together right. My slight mistake (and I hesitate even to call it that) was to put it in the wardrobe upside down. It wasn't a big deal. It clearly worked the other way up. I could ignore it. It was upside down. It didn't matter, it wasn't a big deal. It was clearly absolutely fine upside down and it would make no difference to its functionality. It remained upside down. I sighed and went to the bedroom to fix it. I took all the t-shirts and underwear out of it, turned it right way up and replaced them. With a weary sigh I put the final t-shirt in place, leaned slightly forward and tore off the fabric attachment which kept it hanging and dangling... instead it turned into a drooping flopping thing.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHH!

Sorry, I did say I thought I was about to scream.
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: nmg
2010-08-24 07:13 pm (UTC)
Dear god. You've already managed to give the impression that DIY is beyond you, but velcro?
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[User Picture]From: steer
2010-08-24 07:14 pm (UTC)
Not just velcro... there were knots too, and eight bolts. It's almost DIY.
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[User Picture]From: d_floorlandmine
2010-08-24 09:30 pm (UTC)
[snork]
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[User Picture]From: rosenkavalier
2010-08-24 07:23 pm (UTC)
Are you really allowed to live on your own?
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[User Picture]From: steer
2010-08-24 07:24 pm (UTC)
I've got ResusieAnne staying over but she can't really help being a limbless torso.
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[User Picture]From: steer
2010-08-24 11:27 pm (UTC)
Ah... I love that film. If I could get a RessusSherilynFenn I would.
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[User Picture]From: kissmeforlonger
2010-08-24 07:49 pm (UTC)
I love your DIY stories. Please do more.

Does the TV work now?
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[User Picture]From: steer
2010-08-24 07:57 pm (UTC)
The TV always did work despite a cupboard falling on it.
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[User Picture]From: moral_vacuum
2010-08-24 07:53 pm (UTC)
Lesson no 7: If something works, LEAVE IT ALONE.
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[User Picture]From: steer
2010-08-24 07:57 pm (UTC)
But it was upside down.

Seriously I am not someone who can ignore this.

By the 25th or 26th time I looked in the wardrobe something in my head would make a tiny *phut* noise and I would fall down dead.

I speak as someone who has just spent 8 hours turning perfectly functioning Java code to perfectly functioning Java code to do exactly the same thing but in a slightly more elegant way.
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[User Picture]From: moral_vacuum
2010-08-24 08:39 pm (UTC)
Sesame Street today was brought to you by the letters O, C and D.

Edited at 2010-08-24 08:40 pm (UTC)
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[User Picture]From: steer
2010-08-24 08:40 pm (UTC)
Which, I might point out, are not in alphabetical order.
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[User Picture]From: hirez
2010-08-24 10:13 pm (UTC)
But that spells CDO and those are worse.
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[User Picture]From: steer
2010-08-24 10:31 pm (UTC)
Collateralized debt obligation (according to google). Maybe it's better just to spell COD, there's not enough of it about.
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[User Picture]From: d_floorlandmine
2010-08-24 09:35 pm (UTC)
I speak as someone who has just spent 8 hours turning perfectly functioning Java code to perfectly functioning Java code to do exactly the same thing but in a slightly more elegant way.
I periodically do the same thing with Visual Basic at work - except that they don't usually give me eight hours to do so, so it has to be fitted into other work. Oh, and just like your DIY, the occasional 'smart idea' often results in having to completely rebuild something else that I've broken in the process. [sigh]
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[User Picture]From: steer
2010-08-24 10:30 pm (UTC)
often results in having to completely rebuild something else that I've broken in the process.

That's coding for you. I'm currently locked in "refactoring death spiral" with a similarly wired coder. I refactor something and then he does. Eventually there will be no code just 1000 abstract classes so that if we ever chose to create a real instance of anything it would solve the problem.
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[User Picture]From: d_floorlandmine
2010-08-24 10:47 pm (UTC)
Eventually there will be no code just 1000 abstract classes so that if we ever chose to create a real instance of anything it would solve the problem.
Heh.
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[User Picture]From: thecesspit
2010-08-25 07:29 pm (UTC)
Matrix - the OO-Version.
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[User Picture]From: d_floorlandmine
2010-08-26 08:24 am (UTC)
[grin]
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[User Picture]From: john_the_hat
2010-08-24 09:37 pm (UTC)
I would scream too.
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[User Picture]From: rich_r
2010-08-25 07:50 am (UTC)
Might I suggest keeping your undergarments in the more traditional chest of drawers? Or would you have issues with the drawer fronts coming off on a regular basis?
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[User Picture]From: steer
2010-08-25 07:56 am (UTC)
Heh... I would need either to move house to somewhere big enough for another chest of drawers or keep the stuff in my chest of drawers elsewhere.
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[User Picture]From: kissmeforlonger
2010-08-25 04:35 pm (UTC)
God forbid he might need shelves to put them on :-O
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