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Richard Clegg

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The revolution of lowered expectations [Apr. 29th, 2010|10:43 am]
Richard Clegg
When I was 10 I wanted to be a professor who studied dinosaurs and fierce dinosaurs at that.

When I was 20 I wanted to be a professor who studied astrophysics.

When I was 30 I wanted to be a professor.

I'm nearly 40 now and really, I'd settle for having my recycling emptied regularly, getting the Natwest to acknowledge my change of address and a replacement loo seat.

Honestly, how hard can these things possibly be to achieve. It turns out I have a non-standard loo of indeterminate manufacture.

Update: thanks to ms_siobhan the loo seat dilemma has at least been mitigated.
link

Comments:
[User Picture]From: ms_siobhan
2010-04-29 09:49 am (UTC)
'Non standard loo of indeterminate manufacture' has just made me smile - though of course it wouldn't make me smile if I had one and couldn't find a seat to fit it.
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[User Picture]From: steer
2010-04-29 09:51 am (UTC)
It's a nightmare I tell you -- there's a big jagged crack across the current seat and it's hard to really settle down when getting your bum nipped. Well, I suppose there are people who like that kind of thing.
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[User Picture]From: ms_siobhan
2010-04-29 10:10 am (UTC)
Duct tape over the crack til you find a replacement?

Not only are there people who like that kind of thing there are people who will pay for that kind of thing, advertise it as a kind of S+M toilet ride and hey presto you'll have enough money to pay for a custom made toilet seat.
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[User Picture]From: steer
2010-04-29 10:12 am (UTC)
Ooooh... nice one!

I'll test drive that later.
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[User Picture]From: moral_vacuum
2010-04-29 11:21 am (UTC)
I'm so glad you said that so that I didn't have to. A man could develop a repution.
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[User Picture]From: moral_vacuum
2010-04-29 02:50 pm (UTC)
We'll get very drunk, and cackle a lot.
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[User Picture]From: zenithed
2010-04-29 10:04 am (UTC)
There must be a professor of loos who can help with that.
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[User Picture]From: steer
2010-04-29 10:08 am (UTC)
A chair in thrones?

The top google hit is Yueh-Lin (Lynn) Loo but I think she's only a professor in the American sense.
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[User Picture]From: zenithed
2010-04-29 10:13 am (UTC)
You can study toilet management in Malaysia, perhaps it's worth getting in touch with whoever runs this course:

http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_kmafp/is_200702/ai_n18653683/
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[User Picture]From: rich_r
2010-04-29 11:08 am (UTC)
You can get 'universal' seats that have a flat base, and so will fit anything - though they may overhang the edges slightly.
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[User Picture]From: steer
2010-04-30 08:11 am (UTC)
Got a link? How would they hinge? Google isn't helpful. The only links I can find for "universal toilet seat" are simply standard ones which don't fit.
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[User Picture]From: rich_r
2010-04-30 10:53 am (UTC)
I'll see what I can find. You do still have to have holes in the pan for the hinge bolts to go into.

Maybe take your old one off, and take it to a local plumber or kitchen/bathroom supply shop (eg Plumb Centre, Screwfix, even B&Q, or some independant) to see if they can find a match.

Or just change the whole toilet. I did at Christmas - complete toilet kit from B&Q for £50, plus a £10 waste fitting and a £10 flexible pipe and isolation valve for the cold water feed. Took me around an hour, with no mess.
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[User Picture]From: steer
2010-04-30 12:08 pm (UTC)
You do still have to have holes in the pan for the hinge bolts to go into.

Yes but the bottom of those holes is not accessible (if you see what I mean).

take it to a local plumber or kitchen/bathroom supply shop

Done it (or the equivalent) -- showed them the fitting, the measurement and photos of the loo -- they couldn't find anything that fitted.

Or just change the whole toilet.

It's in wall -- would be quite a large job I imagine.

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[User Picture]From: rich_r
2010-04-30 12:57 pm (UTC)
Some seats have fixings that just go into the top of the hole, and a bolt down the middle that pulls a cone of plastic up, forcing cylinder walls outwards to grip the sides of the hole. Then the seat slots onto the top of these, with some small grub screws to hold it tight.

Hmm, yes - I've only ever done standard floor mounted ones, which are dead easy.
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[User Picture]From: steer
2010-04-30 02:09 pm (UTC)
Some seats have fixings that just go into the top of the hole, and a bolt down the middle that pulls a cone of plastic up, forcing cylinder walls outwards to grip the sides of the hole.

Nope -- it isn't that. This has spring loaded nuts held up against a hole accessible only from one side (if you understand). I don't think the bolts are even the same size as a standard loo seat bolts.

The whole "inside wall mounted" thing scares me as I don't know what the heck I would have to do as I can't even see where the pipes come in. Also if I get it wrong I've broken the nice tiling on the wall as well as the loo. Naturally I would have no idea where to get replacement tiling from. :-)


Edited at 2010-04-30 02:10 pm (UTC)
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[User Picture]From: tvor
2010-04-29 11:27 am (UTC)
Getting Natwest to acknowledge the loo seat is probably the sticking point there. If it was just the change of address you wanted, they'd probably be fine ;))))

Maybe a bathroom fixture specialist shop rather than a general department store or DIY type shop?
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[User Picture]From: steer
2010-04-30 08:12 am (UTC)
*laugh* If I had to get the bank to acknowledge the change of loo seat things really would be a nightmare.

I tried a specialist bathroom shop. I even sent them photos of the toilet and they went as far as emailing manufacturers the photos. Still no luck.
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[User Picture]From: kixie
2010-04-29 11:29 am (UTC)
Shoulda gone for astrophysics, I say.

BT keeps buggering around with the local exchange thingie and borking my internet and my landlord appears to think that 'new fridge' means 'minibar'. Life, eh?
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[User Picture]From: steer
2010-04-30 08:08 am (UTC)
I prefer networks myself. I never found an astrophys PhD where I liked the supervisor and the supervisor liked me. I had about four interviews and two offers of funded places.
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[User Picture]From: shermarama
2010-04-29 12:19 pm (UTC)
What's non-standard about it? They're mostly quite generic, with a certain leeway in how they fasten to cope with small differences.
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[User Picture]From: steer
2010-04-30 08:07 am (UTC)
Indeed they are mostly generic. This has the holes for the hinge fittings 10cm further apart than standard, the nuts to hold the bolts in place are inaccessible and held by a spring. The holes to which you attach the seat are only visible from one side because the unit is sealed.

I was so confident in the "they're mostly quite generic" that I didn't check and just bought a new seat. Then I boggled, a lot.
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[User Picture]From: minusbat
2010-04-30 05:49 pm (UTC)
How do you break so many loo seats ?
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[User Picture]From: steer
2010-04-30 09:38 pm (UTC)
Harsh dude. You must accept at least some responsibility. Indeed the most recent one was sort of semi-functional until after I left yours at which point it finally gave up.
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