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Richard Clegg

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New culinary low [Dec. 17th, 2011|03:56 pm]
Richard Clegg
Today I reached a new low by failing to cook a Fray Bentos "put it in the oven in the tin and that's it" pie. For some reason the instruction to remove the lid before cooking had an "on no account" added to it. I remembered to open the tin but then left the lid on. This meant that the flaky pastry (the only really nice bit) welded itself to the lid. Fortunately, the heated metal disk with razor-sharp edges cauterised the wound it caused -- which is handy... I guess. I'll eat out tonight. It's safest.
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: sushidog
2011-12-17 04:14 pm (UTC)
Do you think it's safe for you to leave the house?
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[User Picture]From: steer
2011-12-17 04:15 pm (UTC)
It's clearly not safe for me to stay in the house. At least outside I won't be allowed to touch the oven.
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[User Picture]From: sushidog
2011-12-17 04:52 pm (UTC)
Perhaps it would be safest if you just sat very quietly on the sofa and didn't touch anything?
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[User Picture]From: steer
2011-12-17 04:59 pm (UTC)
I'm going to attempt ironing -- if I'm not posting in the next 10 minutes call an ambulance.

Seriously, how did this tie get crumpled? It's last outing was a funeral more than a year ago. What has it been doing since?
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[User Picture]From: sushidog
2011-12-17 05:00 pm (UTC)
You should probably switch all your phones off first; don't want you burning your ears.
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[User Picture]From: steer
2011-12-17 05:01 pm (UTC)
*laugh* Good tip.
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[User Picture]From: steer
2011-12-17 06:14 pm (UTC)
OK -- back and safe! No injuries sustained.
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[User Picture]From: wibblefish
2011-12-18 03:02 pm (UTC)
most accidents happen within a mile of the home apparently so you'd think the further away he was the better.

Of course there is the risk he'll just skew the statistics for everyone else all on his own
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[User Picture]From: ms_siobhan
2011-12-17 04:55 pm (UTC)
Ouch :-(

I really love Fray Bentos pies though - especially the steak and kidney ones, it's one of my favourite guilty pleasures.
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[User Picture]From: steer
2011-12-17 05:01 pm (UTC)
I don't know what it is about them... there's that kind of glutinous still doughy layer of slightly weird pastry that always lurks at the bottom looking like it's uncooked but is somehow delicious. There's the weird mouth-feel of the meat which is slightly sweat and has that pleasant greasiness (like sunny delight actually) which spreads the taste and then there's the top layers of really over crispy pastry which have risen several inches about the tin and flake off all over the place like they're wanting to spawn.

Unpleasant yet compelling.
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[User Picture]From: ms_siobhan
2011-12-19 02:10 pm (UTC)
And sloppily delicious.
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[User Picture]From: mr_tom
2011-12-17 05:20 pm (UTC)
I was a uni with a chap who managed to hospitalise himself with a Fray Bentos pie. And he didn't even eat any of it.
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[User Picture]From: steer
2011-12-17 05:43 pm (UTC)
Hmm... which leads me to wonder what he did do with it... "Well, you see doctor, I was hoovering naked while cooking the pie and slipped in such a way that..."
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[User Picture]From: puritypersimmon
2011-12-17 09:13 pm (UTC)
This is what LJ is lacking : posts entertainingly detailing staggering incompetence (embarrassing injuries optional, but greatly appreciated) :-p

I'll admit to even worse fiascos - but at least they have all occurred as a consequence of vodka...
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[User Picture]From: steer
2011-12-18 01:02 am (UTC)
I really think anything which involves fray bentos and vodka has strayed across acceptable realms.
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[User Picture]From: puritypersimmon
2011-12-18 09:34 am (UTC)
You don't know 'til you try...;-)
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[User Picture]From: d_floorlandmine
2011-12-18 08:27 pm (UTC)
It's not lacking it at all ... you're reading it. [grin] Well, this and latexiron's ...
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[User Picture]From: thecesspit
2011-12-17 10:56 pm (UTC)
Did you try putting it in a sandwich?
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[User Picture]From: steer
2011-12-18 01:01 am (UTC)
*laugh*
The fenelon classic pie sandwich? A concept that should be immortalised in song and legend!
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[User Picture]From: thecesspit
2011-12-18 01:09 am (UTC)
It should. Someone write to Half-man, half-biscuit
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[User Picture]From: kissmeforlonger
2011-12-18 09:19 pm (UTC)
There is really no need for me to take the piss out of you, is there?
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[User Picture]From: thecesspit
2011-12-18 09:50 pm (UTC)
There's no -need-, sure...
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[User Picture]From: steer
2011-12-19 02:12 pm (UTC)
There really *is* no need! :-)
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